The Hellride.......Finally

Ko Phannag was lacking the fun we were looking for, so we rushed off to the docks and hopped the next boat to Ko Samui. A beautiful day and sparkling seas were inviting us to our next destination. As usual, upon arrival we were bombarded buy their usual touts, we picked the first one claiming to go to Chewang beach, piled our bags on top, and jumped in the back of the truck. Where we would eventually meet up with our friend Jonathan, but I digress. As we rolled into a seaside town similar to Phuket, minus the package tourists and their children, we found our destination: “The Ark Bar”. We thought we could get a deal if we dropped our friends girlfriends name "Pi" and we tried, but only got the Farang price, so lugging our bags next door we got a killer room for half the price. Fifty yards from the beach, we dropped our shit and ran to the water, thoroughly enjoying and soaking in the sun.

As Matt was tanning his white ass, I was soaking and sunning. I was staring at the shore when a group of Israelises jumped in to play Frisbee. Still staring at the shore, the girl of the bunch pulled a Fast Times At Ridgemont High move, and stared at me while walking directly towards me and took off her red top! Slight discomfort turned extreme as she got closer. She came right up to me smiling, bare breasted and started talking to me in Hebrew! A tad stunned, I replied in English that I was not Israeli and couldn’t speak Hebrew. She switched to English and made uncomfortable small talk until she got bored and walked off. Apparently I look Jewish, which seemed to attract manyIsraeliali towards me. Some would even make bets on it, as I later found out.

The beach was excellent, we watched the locals sell their stuff while warding off the pineapple/massage/weed sellers ourselves Unfortunately the Isrerali food we had afterwards was not. Expensive and mediocre. Back to shower and called our friend. He said "Meet me at the Ark Bar at 8:00, Ill show you a good time". Sweet. Meeting with up with Jonathan was cake, off we went to our first stop(s). The first place was a mellow open air bar with pool and connect four. He started us off with a bottle of Sangsom Rum and a few Cokes and, of course, soon after we were accosted by the bar girls. I got suckered into playing a game of pool with one. Her deal was if I lost I bought her drinks. For being in a bar all the time she wasn’t very good, so she bought her own drinks, twice! While Matt was playing connect four and being suckered into buying drinks unwillingly, our friend was making out with another bar girl. Needless to say we paid for more than our own drinks when we finally left. Walking but 50 meters we got dragged into a Go-Go bar, which sounds like a strip club but isn’t. Instead of naked girls inside, there were at least 20 girls in bikinis on stage and just as many walking around the floor. The interesting thing was that they all were wearing little number tags. Apparently the number tag is used when you call one down to talk (read: by them a drink), that’s how they get paid, “drinks on number 48!”. That place ended when the fellow tried to by me a lap dance. The girl they grabbed didn't know what a lap dance was! Strange indeed. And we left.

Scooter time: Another Crash.

Leaving the alley of madness and lights we found his scooter, and the three of us jumped on. Yes, three drunk idiots on a motor bike = STUPID! We some how managed to go somewhere and all sped off down the main road, where we crashed. Actually it was more like slowly getting off the bike and then sliding a few feet. We all fell off gradually and then a “Catuay” stopped her bike and tried to get on John's, it was really quite surreal. She tried to get on the back of his bike and thdisappearedissappeared. Really, just disappeared. Matt probably had another blowout on the sandals and we had a long walk back to end the madness.

Day Two & Three & Four: Excellence.

Mellow beaches. Good Indian Food. And restaurant restaraunt that had “Vegan"food. Really, they had a sign that said "Vegan" and a menu to boot. Expensive and O.k. Met some French Folks. We ended up seeing them the next evening for DJ CA$H MONEY "the worlds best D.J." The Frenchies were pretty mellow folks for all the Redbull they drank. They crashed early both nights while Matt and I weirdos the weridos at the Famil-Mart. Every night people would walk from the row of bars that closed to the row that “secretly" stayed open, right in front of the Family Mart. Good viewing. (See Pic)

The fourth day found us in another shady deal. We met up with John mid-day and his friend who was to help us out with the green. Very, very shady but succesful. The last night was the mellow and found us wanting more to do more thunfortunatelynfoourtunalty our next stop was Bangkok (Matt's current home) and that was definitely not the case.