Get out your checkbook.

Artichokes are just an excuse to shovel copious amounts of vegenaise and butter into your mouth.

Midgets, Doorknobs, and Jocks

All of these things have been freaking me out lately. A week or so ago I ventured out to Laguna Beach with Josh and my roommate Matt for one of my first outings since the "incident". Relaxing it was, sun hitting my unusually pale ass and enjoying the views, while munching on some kind food. Then panic strikes. Jocks with footballs. All I could visualize was footballs being drilled into the gap where my kidney once was. Fortunately it didn't happened, but the visuals got worse. As I was laying face down reading I was just waiting for one of the jocks to run up and give me kidney shots and run off. Neurosis? It gets worse. That evening i dreamed of midgets running up and giving me kidney shots , not just one but multiple. Like the whole cast of Wizard of Oz jumping me into their crazy gang. Es no bueno. I woke up from that dream convinced midgets were out to get me. But how? I'd obviously notice them coming. Turns out the sneaky bastards were going to stand behind doors and push them real hard at me. Doors you ask? Well turn out most doorknobs are right around the same height as that pain in my lower abdomen. Sneaky bastards huh?